A Thanksgiving Thought

When you are thankful for being loved by God even when you are not thankful I think you begin to understand what it means to live a life of thanksgiving.

[You might need to read that twice -- it took me forever to write it.]

Happy Thanksgiving to each of you.

Antonio Banderas, Brad Paisley, and Carrie Underwood on Love

Tavis Smiley recently asked Antonio Banderas how he and wife, Melanie Griffith, have managed to carry on a long marriage in an industry known for short relationships.

If I might summarize a few minutes of response into one line, Banderas said: We do not expect or demand the same things of love as we did at first.

Conversely, this past week the Country Music Awards were on TV and Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood sang their recent hit, “Remind Me,” which reminiscences, and perhaps over-glorifies, the romantic feelings we all enjoy when love first develops.

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Egg on the Floor

My three year old daughter, Josie, was helping my wife, Kristy, bake a cake in the kitchen. Kristy handed Josie an egg.

“Careful with that, Josie. Crack it over the bowl,” Kristy told her.

Josie carefully cracked the egg, but it slipped out of the shell onto the edge of the counter, dripping down the cabinet and falling to the floor – an oozing mess. Josie froze, unsure what she was about to receive.

It was in this moment that I walked into the kitchen to get a snack. I had been watching football, not attempting to bake a cake with a toddler, so I was carefree and gracious. Even still it would’ve been easy to speak judgment in that moment, “Josie, look at this mess you made! You have to be more careful! Pay attention! You’re going to have to clean that up!” Fortunately, this time, I got it right.

“Ah man, what a mess,” I said in a silly voice. “Let’s wipe this up.”

I got a paper towel and bent down to clean up the egg. Kristy handed me some clearner, and Josie had taken a step back, watching me wipe the floor, cabinet, and counter. It’s then I experienced my proudest moment as a father.

“We’re not perfect and that’s okay,” my three year old said in a soft sweet voice.

“That’s right, babe,” I replied.

“And God loves us all the time,” she said.

“That’s right – that’s good news.”

[And in case you think I’m a model parent, yesterday I got upset at her for spilling a Diet Coke which was on the end table. It was then my turn to remember: We're not perfect and that's okay. And God loves us all the time.]

Tags: family, grace

Kim Kardashian: Living with the Burden of Ratings

[An edited version of this post was posted over at Mockingbird.]

I’m sure you’ve heard: 72 days after her high-profile wedding Kim Kardashian is divorcing Kris Humphries. The wedding became a television frenzy and a flood of money rushed into their bank accounts. I’ve read articles that estimate her earnings over the past few months at $10 million; others estimate $17 million. The number doesn’t really matter. The reality of making money off of a camera which follows you around is the point. Cameras and money come when ratings are good, and a life with ratings is toxic.

Even in the radical success of Kardashian this life of performance stifles freedom. Your very being and every action is rated and rewarded. People treat you as a brand rather than a person. This cheapens your personhood. Your life journey isn’t yours — it’s your agent’s, your manager’s, your producer’s. You are a show.

When people are forced to perform the inner self, the real “me,” becomes starved. Eventually we make bad decisions in the maintenance of the performance, or the anxiety of it all crushes us. And the rotting inner self leaks. This is not to say this is what happened to Kardashian. This is to say this is what happens to me. I can’t imagine the burden Kardashian lives with — I don’t think she’s laughing all the way to the bank, though she is going there. Even if the entire thing was money-making mockery, our inner self never wants to known as a failure.

Of course I’m talking about our audience and our ratings, the people we desire to please – maybe it’s just your inner self judging your own self, a suicidal battle. Either way the point is: living a life with ratings is unhealthy.

Grace to us all.

Pawn Stars: The Value of a Lizard Head

Confession: I can watch ridiculous amounts of Pawn Stars episodes on the History Channel. They get me with that first item, the gold bar that might be from a pirates ship or the hat that Micky Mantle might have worn. Of course you don’t find out until later in the episode about the authenticity and value of the item. I get hooked on the bits of historical knowledge they pass on and the hope, that just maybe, somebody might get a big payout, which brings me to the green plastic toy head.

So a guy brings in an old green toy head, the size of a tennis ball, no body to be found, just the head. The employee behind the counter looks it over and knows it has something to do with Stretch Armstrong, a highly collectible toy from the 70′s. He pays $500 for the head, an item I would’ve tossed in the trash can without a moment’s hesitation.

Later in the episode a vintage toy expert comes in and gasps at the sight. Only two two complete versions of this toy, some sort of green lizard or something, exist in the world, both worth about $12,000. He asks how much the employee paid for it and smiles at the price. He says the head will sell for about $4,500. A green plastic head.

Can you imagine something so ordinary and unremarkable to be worth so much?

Of course you can.

And the sooner we truly believe it, in the core of our beings, that our value has nothing to do with our external surface or our internal abilities the freer we will be.