[You might need to read that twice -- it took me forever to write it.]

Happy Thanksgiving to each of you.

If I might summarize a few minutes of response into one line, Banderas said: We do not expect or demand the same things of love as we did at first.

Conversely, this past week the Country Music Awards were on TV and Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood sang their recent hit, “Remind Me,” which reminiscences, and perhaps over-glorifies, the romantic feelings we all enjoy when love first develops.

Now, ladies, before you get upset at me or Antonio Banderas, neither of us are saying these feelings and actions are not good. We know they are good. But they do not answer the question, “How have you managed to carry on a long healthy marriage?” Nobody goes the distance off of steam.

I think about this elderly couple who eats at the Chick-fil-a I frequent. He is in full suit, and she is in a conservative ladies skirt and blazer. They come every day at 11:30am, inching across the parking lot. He gets her seated with the donut he carried in for her to sit on. He then orders for the two of them and brings her the food. There’s not much romance in carrying a donut for your elderly wife but it is love. It’s also possible this guy is wretched to his wife at home and hasn’t held her in years. So, perhaps the greatest manifestation of love is devotion which becomes seasoned with emotion.

Back to last week, watching the CMA awards: Martina McBride sang her recent hit, “I’m Gonna Love You Through It.” This song isn’t primarily about the love between a husband and wife but it does come closer to the greatest manifestation of love – the ravishing force of unselfish, giving love based not in emotion but pure unconditionality.

“Careful with that, Josie. Crack it over the bowl,” Kristy told her.

Josie carefully cracked the egg, but it slipped out of the shell onto the edge of the counter, dripping down the cabinet and falling to the floor – an oozing mess. Josie froze, unsure what she was about to receive.

It was in this moment that I walked into the kitchen to get a snack. I had been watching football, not attempting to bake a cake with a toddler, so I was carefree and gracious. Even still it would’ve been easy to speak judgment in that moment, “Josie, look at this mess you made! You have to be more careful! Pay attention! You’re going to have to clean that up!” Fortunately, this time, I got it right.

“Ah man, what a mess,” I said in a silly voice. “Let’s wipe this up.”

I got a paper towel and bent down to clean up the egg. Kristy handed me some clearner, and Josie had taken a step back, watching me wipe the floor, cabinet, and counter. It’s then I experienced my proudest moment as a father.

“We’re not perfect and that’s okay,” my three year old said in a soft sweet voice.

“That’s right, babe,” I replied.

“And God loves us all the time,” she said.

“That’s right – that’s good news.”

[And in case you think I’m a model parent, yesterday I got upset at her for spilling a Diet Coke which was on the end table. It was then my turn to remember: We're not perfect and that's okay. And God loves us all the time.]

I’m sure you’ve heard: 72 days after her high-profile wedding Kim Kardashian is divorcing Kris Humphries. The wedding became a television frenzy and a flood of money rushed into their bank accounts. I’ve read articles that estimate her earnings over the past few months at $10 million; others estimate $17 million. The number doesn’t really matter. The reality of making money off of a camera which follows you around is the point. Cameras and money come when ratings are good, and a life with ratings is toxic.

Even in the radical success of Kardashian this life of performance stifles freedom. Your very being and every action is rated and rewarded. People treat you as a brand rather than a person. This cheapens your personhood. Your life journey isn’t yours — it’s your agent’s, your manager’s, your producer’s. You are a show.

When people are forced to perform the inner self, the real “me,” becomes starved. Eventually we make bad decisions in the maintenance of the performance, or the anxiety of it all crushes us. And the rotting inner self leaks. This is not to say this is what happened to Kardashian. This is to say this is what happens to me. I can’t imagine the burden Kardashian lives with — I don’t think she’s laughing all the way to the bank, though she is going there. Even if the entire thing was money-making mockery, our inner self never wants to known as a failure.

Of course I’m talking about our audience and our ratings, the people we desire to please – maybe it’s just your inner self judging your own self, a suicidal battle. Either way the point is: living a life with ratings is unhealthy.

Grace to us all.

So a guy brings in an old green toy head, the size of a tennis ball, no body to be found, just the head. The employee behind the counter looks it over and knows it has something to do with Stretch Armstrong, a highly collectible toy from the 70′s. He pays $500 for the head, an item I would’ve tossed in the trash can without a moment’s hesitation.

Later in the episode a vintage toy expert comes in and gasps at the sight. Only two two complete versions of this toy, some sort of green lizard or something, exist in the world, both worth about $12,000. He asks how much the employee paid for it and smiles at the price. He says the head will sell for about $4,500. A green plastic head.

Can you imagine something so ordinary and unremarkable to be worth so much?

Of course you can.

And the sooner we truly believe it, in the core of our beings, that our value has nothing to do with our external surface or our internal abilities the freer we will be.

- Former Prostitue, The Nefarious Film

Nefarious: Merchant of Souls Official Trailer from Exodus Cry on Vimeo.

And I don’t think anyone moves out of their frustration or weariness and into happiness by other’s approval or buying something new. I’ve done these things–they tickle and leave me the same as they came. I think we become whole and happy by giving ourselves the allowance to be frustrated and tired at times. We can quit beating ourselves up over our situation, stop the self deprecation or consumption, and remember we are loved.

#1: Lost – Yes, I know it is over, but I have to list it as number one, and might I take this moment to confess that I miss that show, especially the early seasons—hello, season two, the hatch. I miss it like a good friend who moved away.

#2: Modern Family – silly and fun.
#3: NBC News – lame, I know, but I’m getting old.
#4: Parks and Rec – more silly and more fun.

And,
#5: Parenthood.

We are into the third season of Parenthood, perhaps the best written show on television, intelligent and playful dialogue, sympathetic characters, and realistic conflict. The show proclaims a few ideals without preaching anything, which brings me to my second list, these ideals on the show:

#1: Families are messy.
#2: People screw up.
#3: Life is full of joys and disappointments.
#4: All of this, the above three that is, create conflict.

Parenthood is full of conflict—our lives are full of conflict. Yet at the conclusion of each episode there remains little conflict within me. By closing scene, whether a conflict is resolved or not, I’m usually grateful for something or someone in my life, something redemptive is going on inside of me. Sometimes I tear up. Conflict exists yet I’m okay. I think this is possible because of the context of the conflict.

This past week Kristina, the pregnant responsible mom, and Crosby, her younger brother-in-law, the undependable musician of the family, bickered then yelled then cried. Words were said, quite serious words, but the relationship was never in question. The failures of a given character, and the complication created for another character, manifest but the relationship rests secure in the overall love of the family. We, as viewers, know these characters love each other, and whether argument arrives or not the love is not in question. They are safe while conflicted. This sort of love, perhaps found in family or friends, more perfectly found in God himself, gives great relief to the inner condition that creates conflict.

-The Opposition

It’s a comment on our inner condition, even as Christians, that we constantly feel the need to make judgment on someone elses life decisions. Perhaps its hidden jealousy over Bell’s success. Perhaps the critics disliked his last book enough to harbor ill. Let me be clear the comments I’m speaking of are not the valid theological differences and arguments being published. I’m talking about judgments on Bell’s decision for the future of his family. It’s just not a very Christian reaction. Perhaps I’m now being judgemental toward those who judged. Let’s continue the cycle and you judge me for this, and I’ll do the same to you in return. Then we can gather in the fellowship hall to bandage the wounds.

Putting aside theological differences we may have with Bell we must admit there are a million scenarios for Bell’s family and future that we know nothing of. There are a million scenarios we should consider before casting judgment toward someone. I’m saying it’s possible, just maybe, and I know this may be revolutionary, but maybe we don’t know everything in every situation about every person.